A Glimmer of Hope

Have you ever been sitting in church listening to the message and thought "Wow, Pastor is talking directly to me.  This message was written for me." I felt that on Sunday. The message was about the last part of James, but at one point he referenced 1King Chapter 18.

42 So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. 43 "Go and look toward the sea," he told his servant. And he went up and looked. "There is nothing there," he said. Seven times Elijah said, "Go back." 44 The seventh time the servant reported, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea." So Elijah said, "Go and tell Ahab, 'Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.' " 45 Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. 46 The power of the LORD came upon Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.

The point of the story is keep praying.  Keep believing.  Keep on no matter what. It may not happen the first time, the fifth time, the 10th time, but be faithful, believe and God will answer your prayers.  It may not be how you thought, but He will answer.

"Go Back", "Hold On" as Pastor said on Sunday.  I've been praying for 9 months for relief and resolution and today I got my tiny rain cloud. It started as a tiny wisp and as the day went on it has grown and grown.  It's starting to sprinkle now.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do next in my life. I can't wait to tuck my cloak into my belt and run past the chariot.

Reached My Goal .... Now What?

I reached my weight loss goal, officially 165 pounds. It seemed a little anti-climatic though, I feel like my scale should have shot off fireworks and an angel choir should have descended from heaven to sing to me in my bathroom.

I'm a little disappointed  because I've lost a total of 43 pounds.  I've reached my weight loss goal. I've run a 5K. I'm not really sure where to go from here.

Several people have said, "Just focus on maintaining now." Well that sounds boring, who wants to stay the same? Aren't we all trying to do something, accomplish something, get somewhere? I don't want to say "hey guess what, nothing has changed in my life what so ever, isn't that awesome!"

Plus, I'm not so sure I'm happy with where I am.  I set my goal at 165 because it seemed really far away, and I thought it was a weight that I could easily maintain.  But the truth is, I don't look like I thought I would at 165. There is still a pretty thick layer of fat that's still hanging out and jiggling all over the place.

I find myself excited and disheartened; proud of myself and a little disappointed and not really sure where to go from here.  What's next?

Earlier this week I stumbled across this woman on Facebook Neon Runner. What an inspiration. Here is a person that reached her goal and kept going, blew past her goal and never looked back.

So I guess it is time for me to keep going. Turns out I am capable of more than I thought I was, all in God's grace.

My new goals (because I'm a person that needs measurable goals to track and work towards):
1) 160 pounds. That will officially give me a healthy BMI.
2) Size 8. I never thought it was possible, in fact I got rid of all of the size 8 clothes not too long ago, but I'm a 10 now, I know I can get there.
3) I want to be able to wear a bikini next summer, which means I need to be tone and muscular.
4) I want to run a 5k race (not on a treadmill) without stopping to walk.

What is my plan for getting there? Basically keep doing what I've been doing. Not let myself slide back into my previous life style. I'm going to start the C25K program over.  This time I'm going to increase my running pace, and since I still do my workouts during the week on a treadmill I'm going to put it on the random setting so that there is an incline. Those together should increase my endurance and hopefully I will be able to run an entire 5K in 2 months.

So here goes.  I'm going to keep tracking my progress and this will keep me accountable.

Inspirational song of the week 7.6.14

"Compass" by Lady Antebellum

I love this song.  From the first time I heard it on the radio it spoke to me. I don't know what they were thinking of when they wrote it, and maybe it wasn't intended to be a spiritual song, but, music is what the listener makes of it right.

I pull so much inspiration out of this song when I am feeling down.  It starts out saying "Yeah it's been a bumpy road" you've got that right sister.

Then it goes on to say "You wanna give up 'cause it's dark. We're really not that far apart." Don't give up.  Even when things are hard and it seems you are at the end and there is no way out, God it not far, he is always near, he is always just a step away. Even though it may seem you are an eternity from Him, you aren't that far apart.

And the last line of the chorus "'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh. Never be alone oh oh oh" You are never alone.  No matter how alone you feel, you aren't alone.  God is there, always with you, no matter what.  

Recently I have found myself in that place where the dark thoughts start to invade your head and you are hearing things like "you are completely alone. No one wants you, no one will ever want you. You are alone and will always be alone." Those are dark, dangerous thoughts, not a road you want to go down. I've been able to stop myself and say "you may be lonely, but you are never alone." There is power in the knowledge that you aren't alone.

Here are the lyrics and the video.  Come back to it when you are sad or scared or lonely and know that God is when you, God is close, you are never alone.

"Compass"

Alright
Yeah it's been a bumpy road
Roller coasters
High and low
Fill the tank and drive the car
Pedal fast, pedal hard
You won't have to go that far

You wanna give up 'cause it's dark
We're really not that far apart
So let your heart, sweet heart
Be your compass when you're lost
And you should follow it wherever it may go
When it's all said and done
You can walk instead of run
'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh
Never be alone oh oh oh

Forgot directions on your way
Don't close your eyes don't be afraid
We might be crazy late at night I can't wait til you arrive
Follow stars you'll be alright

You wanna give up 'cause it's dark
We're really not that far apart
So let your heart, sweet heart
Be your compass when you're lost
And you should follow it wherever it may go
When it's all said and done
You can walk instead of run
'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh
Never be alone oh oh oh
You wanna give up 'cause it's dark
We're really not that far apart
So let your heart, sweet heart
Be your compass when you're lost
And you should follow it wherever it may go
When it's all said and done
You can walk instead of run
'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh
Never be alone oh oh oh

When it's all said and done
You can walk instead of run
'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

Patience - Part 1

I feel like this is going to be a multiple part series, so here you go, Part 1.

 Have you ever said "When God was handing out _______ I was in the bathroom"? My blank is PATIENCE.

With everything that has happened in my life over the last year I'm pretty sure God stood in Heaven looking down on me, hands on hips and shaking his head saying "Girl, you have got to calm down, relax, and have some PATIENCE!" God has a lot of work to do in me on this one.

Nothing requires patience quite like parenthood does. You have to wait for 9 months to even see the little angel.  Then you are waiting for them to smile, roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, talk. Then once they do all of those things they spend the next 15 years trying your patience. Parenting is patience so when you don't have a lot of it, it can be a struggle.

There is nothing worse than seeing your own short comings mirrored in your child. You want to help them, the last thing you want is for them to ever struggle, hurt or be frustrated.  I know that a life of impatience is maddening (and can get you into trouble a good bit). Not to mention how hypocritical is it to say "be patient" to your little one when you aren't capable of it yourself. And to add insult to injury, where do you think he learned the impatience from to start with?

My Little Man is 3, almost 4 (and yes, it's true, 3 is worse than 2). He was really struggling with patience. When he didn't get his way he would throw a HUGE fit, screaming, crying, throwing things.  It would last for a long time.  It got to the point that he was having to go to the office several times a day, EVERY day at daycare.  Nothing hurts your heart more than thinking you have a "bad" kid, seeing a life of detention in your future. I had tried all of the reward/consequence programs I could think of and nothing was working, and of course since I am an impatient perfectionist this bothered me that I couldn't find the right answer.

Here's a surprise, MY way didn't work because I needed to do it GOD's way *facepalm*. I started to pray for him.  I prayed that he would find peace and not get upset. I prayed that God would touch his heart and head so that he would obey with a good heart, "right away, all the way, with a good attitude"as they say at his daycare. Then somewhere along the way my prayers for Little Man turned into prayers for me. I prayed that God would give me the right words to help Little Man.  That he would give ME the patience to be able to help him control his temper. That he would help me so that I could help him.

Pretty quickly I noticed a difference in how I interacted with him. When he was upset I was able to stay calm. I was able to stay relaxed and pretty soon I was able to talk him through calming himself down. "Take a deep breath, calm down, use your words and talk to me." His behavior at home is better.  He is having more and more days when he doesn't go to the office at daycare, and when he does they've told me that he calms down much faster than before. Last week he even got a good note for having such a great week at day care, he was so proud.

I am so thankful that God did the work in me so that I could show Little Man what calm and patience looks like. I'm so grateful that God has enough patience to stick with me until I finally get it. I will continue to pray daily that God will continue to touch our hearts and minds so that we can work though problems without anger and frustration. It is amazing what you can accomplish when you slow down ask God for his help and listen when he answers.